Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
