she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
