There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize