listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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