..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
