On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
