ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
