My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
