that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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