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All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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