..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
now i know why i became what i already was.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
