And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
