I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
