dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
