He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
