i wish my penis had a tongue
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
