How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize