haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
