I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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