my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
