She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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