He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
3pm strippers are depressing
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
