That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
