I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
