singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
