She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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