Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
