my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just high enough for therapy.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
