I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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