so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
