I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
there was a trapeze. enough said
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
