i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
