I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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