Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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