Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
