i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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