Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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