Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
