My room smells like vodka and shame
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
