it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
