Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
