PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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