my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she told me i tasted like america
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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