you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
this will be a night to untag.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
