Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
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It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
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I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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