So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just cropdusted the office
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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