Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
