I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
me + whiskey = a bad person
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
