she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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