I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
