My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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