The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
