so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
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She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
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If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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