I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
