dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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