we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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