My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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