and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
