fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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