if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
