I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
