You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How's work?
Spinning.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
