ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
