i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
