How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
