I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
