would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
