Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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