I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
