Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
