dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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