He kissed a someone with a penis
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
