Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
