So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The beer is more important than you right now.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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