My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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