I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
