I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
