so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
